Premier League
Title run-ins and relegation scraps grab top billing in an action-packed, end-of-season double game week, when hopes and dreams take cautious flight in the braincages of the proletariat. Rising one degree or more, the tepid existence of the fantasy dweeb heats up considerably, comparatively. World temperatures changing a degree or two over a century is a scientifically significant event. Over the course of one game week, it is frankly jaw-dropping.
In the first division, the three in contention for the top spot all won, meaning it’s on, or, it continues to be “on.” (It has been on for a bit now, to be fair.) However, in three matches, no matter how it goes down, the jig will be up. It will be “on” or “up” no longer, barring any litigation on points deductions, et al. You could possibly call it “down” or “all out” at that point, but how about we deal with what’s in front of us right here, right now at this specific juncture. Lovely.
Money leads by a hair, with Vanishing Spray in hot pursuit, trailing by a solitary point, and Brolin within four-points striking distance, ready to punish any slip ups by either or both. Brolin faces the top two in the final two weeks, so possible kingmakers if not kings themselves. The race is not yet run. At the other end of the table, the race is run, despite many weeks of winningness. East Loop saw its last mathematical chance of surviving relegation extinguished, making for gray skies and black moods in Eas’loop Hamletshire this week.
Championship
It could be another league set for a photo finish in El Campeonato Fútbalistico Imaginario. Scraps for title and promotion continue apace, with second-place Boss’ Blues triumphing over Goleta while first-place All Star Gunners stumbled at the RelicFC Reliquarium. Tense times, with the top two decided if not yet the ordering therein. MFF has the edge on nabbing the final promotion spot; GoFYS, the final Champions League position. After that, it’s differing acuteness levels of relegation panic, with Sporting Wicker feeling the best about things (and a distant shout for fourth).
League One
There are unassailable leads and there are unassailable leads. Zoo has at least one or the other, possibly both. AFC Chester has just about wrapped up promotion, with Branwellington and Granitza Sting both firmly in the mix and both coming off wins in the double gameweek. The relegation picture is far muddier. Its muddiness level approaches that of pure, straight-up mud, really. Teams will be dropping through the moon door. Which teams? Stay tuned, party people. And watch out for mud-spatter if anyone peels out.
League Two
Five To The Seven seems like the numerical word combo that will take the year’s title. Cabezazo looks decreasingly likely to supplant Route 57, though no towels should officially yet be thrown in. (It could perhaps be acceptable to fold and place the towel closer to a throwing position.) However, promotion and a current lead in the Best-ish rankings may help soften the blow should the worst come to pass. Meanwhile, Hung like a B.O.N.Y. could take silver in a very specific outcome scenario. At any rate, they are guaranteed at least bronze. Sugar Daddies defeated Tiger Tail in this week’s head-to-head, which gives the Daddies the edge for the final Champions League slot. And for the three with the toughest seasons, no one gets relegated! At least so far as anyone’s told this reporter…
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