Premier League
As Vanishing Spray continues their DWM™ (Dominance With Mediocrity) campaign of Season 5 with another 30’s-1-point-win, one can only wonder…will their manager also start investing in Cryptocurrency? Will he test fate and begin a career in highwire walking? Begin wearing his underpants backwards? In other Prem news…Money is keeping pace, Bigo is lurking, and that bottom three/four is starting to get super juicy.
Championship
Speaking of 1-point-wins…ASGs eek! out a 51-50 heartbreaker against PSV, keeping them afloat at the top of the table with B’sB’s, and keeping Wide Open at the bottom. With Mff slipping and only 10 points separating 2-8 in the Champ, this is becoming the most exciting race in BFFA. It is very accordion-like in 2-10. Like a polka band accordion. That’s a very popular music with people aged 77-105 where I live. And probably dead people, too. Oh, and I think the proper term is concertina, not accordion. You may want to look that up. And if you don’t know how to do the polka, some of us locals are more than willing to take you to the Hatley church picnic this summer to teach you. I wouldn’t recommend it, I’m just saying we are willing.
League One
One gets done writing that the Champ is the most exciting, and then one looks at LG 1. Hold your freaking horses, muh peoples. Beyond letting the Zoo animals run rampant on yet another division this season, this is still wide open. That Chester v Branwellington match was a doozy, and just when you think Cornballers and Granitza have called it a season, they continue to pose a threat. Expect this to be an accordion/concertina for the remainder of the season, as well. If we are going to keep the polka as a running theme, let me take a moment to stress that it’s more important to stretch one’s calves than it is one’s hamstrings prior to taking part. Your calves will take a beating if you are doing some intense polka-ing, especially during songs such as “In Heaven There is No Beer”, “Red Barn Polka”, and, one of my personal favorites, “Fruit Salad Polka.” Delicious, that last one!
League Two
Once you get through the process of trying to read/piece together the screenshots provided to us by our trusty LG2 admins, you’ll see that there really wasn’t a close game in this division at all last week, and it was boring as shit. Not sure what is more boring than fecal matter, but maybe it was one of these matchups in GW23. Aside from that, on opposite ends of the table it would seem as if this is Route’s division to lose now, and Gnome may be on pace to break the BFFA record for fewest points in a season. Other than that, Harambe is streaking. This is both a disturbing visual, and reminds me of another polka classic, “Bouncing Banana Bath.” I actually made that a one up, but it would make a great song.
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