EYE-CATCHING!
–PREM: Vanishing beat SB Town in a bout with potentially wide-ranging consequences for the non-relegation picture. Or both teams will be safe and some other suckers will take their places. Helpful to that end, the unsuspecting Smash got catlike stealth-punked by the Ninja Pads of Chuck in a 48-44 showdown. At the top, Bigo1 defeated Sporting Wicker in a 55-52 scoreline befitting their lofty statures, while East Loop with 40 lost to a Money Team who rightly wagered its 67 would beat just about anything. Santa Barbara beat GoFYS and moves up to second, East Loop dropping a spot and Sporter Wicking stays level on points with the ordinal Loop but technically, and more accurately, fourth. Chucky Pad is right there to rejoin the top-five fray, one teeny-tiny point from blowing the whole fucking top four wide the fuck open.
-CHAMP: The relegation fight is where the Champ gets most interesting, although a draw between second and third follows close behind. All season, unicorns have pranced on Icelandic ice sculptures of Brolin, and cohorts even bigger than the behemoth, but it turns out it’s all been a distraction from the true main event. In seventh through ninth, All Star Gunners and Branwellington hang level on 34, with Goleta Hotspur just a point back. Meanwhile, even more highly placed teams like Boss Barkley at 37 and Granitza at 39 can’t completely rule out the Ultimate Nightmare. And then it’s Banana Swans just two points higher, in fourth. BayCobblers leads the tier, by the way, with Unicorns and Brolin tussling over 3rd, Gene currently with a three point lead, having drawn in their week’s duel. Tight margins all around. In addition to the draw between 2 and 3, All Star won by a point 55-54 over Granitza, Cornballers beat Boss 38-36, Reykjavik defeated Branwellington 51-47, Goleta shot down Swans 65-45. No quarter.
–LEAGUE 1: Movement again, but the top six all still hover within five points of one another. In a practice real-world advice example, any planned end-of-season engravings scheduled early to beat the rush may prove premature. Relic occupies first, followed in orderly single-point single file by PSV, Wijnaldum, Mighty Fine Feeling, Yer Man and AFC Chester. Then drop a precipitous 18 points and you’ve got StillluvQPR, Fourth Place, Retaliation and Sexpats fighting to beat the drop. QPR, with a healthy eight point cushion, seems best placed, but the end of season can get crazy, people. No resting on laurels just yet.
–LEAGUE 2: The traditional top three has resumed normal operations, but not how you’d have expected. DC LFC dramatically snatched back second with its direct-hit sink of HMS Yarbles in the clash that frankly sent shock waves through the sports world. This, on the already choppy waters thrown into high-alert uproar from the already maximum-shock shock waves triggered by Route 57’s 55-54 victory over Tralfamadore Zoo. Mourinho outtapped Up, Bony beat Glentoran, Gadagnome notched a much needed victory over Globes. With Mourinho on 43, eight points off third, and Route 57 and Bony both on 39, there could yet be a shakeup in the established order in the final furlongs of the campaign. Come on, narrative.
Don’t forget to check out the Best-ish standings. It’s fun. And worth a cool $100.
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