EYE-CATCHING!
–PREM: Formerly third East Loop beat Bigo1 in a 58-47 bid to make this shit a viable title race. Meanwhile, GoFYS defeated former number two Sporting Wicker. When the dust settled, Bigo1 still remains top, now with a nine point lead—the title race could yet prove a distinctly cromulent possibility. East Loop takes second with its victory, level with Wicker but ahead on Bestish points. Chucky Pad beat Santa Barbara to pull itself into contention for a top four spot, or why not, higher. Second through fourth have only point between them. Two points behind Barbie, Chucky. Two more, Grab. One more, SB Town. Caught between the relegation fight and the top spots, the Smashers and the Baggers are living in confusing times. Vanishing and Money lurk ever suspiciously, often inappropriately, just behind. They still have their own valid bids in any given stretch of gameweeks. (They do not, however, have anything approaching proper manners.) GoFYS now beats the top four consistently. Those with anxiety should doublecheck they have a couple months’ supply of their anxiety medication locked down. Buy it on the black market, if you must.
-CHAMP: BayCobblers represented with a 67 scoreline against the humble 17 of Granitza Sting, while Boss defeated Swans to gain ground in the middle third. Despite a reportedly jaw-dropping display of off-field equestrian displays at halftime, the Gene-icorns fell to the Gunners of Allstar, and Cornballers edged out Bigger than Brolin by a single point, making for repercussion ripples in the table. Reykjavik leads with 57, Da G-Cornz hang tight at 51 and Brolin similarly hangs tight with last week’s 48. Just back, Swans, Granitza and Boss vie for third. Both ASG and Goleta look poised to race out of the relegation fight with a few good results. Cornballers’ victory shows there’s still fight in the dog. Sometimes the fight of the dog is directly proportional to the venomosity of his fangs. Some people say that…
–LEAGUE 1: The order now goes: PSV, Relic, Chester, Wijnaldum, Mighty Fine, Yer Man. Six teams separated by six points, the first to blink gets devoured in a distinctly uncivilized pit crawling with starved crocodiles. PSV defended top spot against Chester, in a crucial top-of-table win. Relic prevailed over Tiger but Wijnaldum fell to the resurgent momentum of Yer Man. Special props to Yer Man, by the way for forcing its team into the conversation—YM has vaulted out of the drop zone to the stratospheric heights like a team on a mission. Mighty Fine defeated StillluvQPR, who occupies a lonely zone of being simultaneously distant from both the top four and the bottom three, the only one of its kind. Which means Fourth Place, Tiger Tail Redemption and Sexpats need to turn on the turbo-thrust burners now. It’s just about do or die time, Holmeses.
–LEAGUE 2: Top three klaxon! Bony beat Zoo and Globes beat DC LFC, so third place stalwart Gloopy Yarbles moves into second, capitalizing on the losses to decide whether the gap between first and second is so big as previously thought—now that there’s a new deputy in town. (It’s still a lot.) Mourinho-LO beat Route 57 to stay in fourth on 40, ten behind DC. In mid-tier gridlock, Route 57, Globes and Hung Like a Bony hang as a 36 point three-team bloc ten off third, but just five above Glentoran and Tapped Up. A couple matches could change everything. Top spot may just might could be on offer. Fourth, definitely.
Don’t forget to check out the Best-ish standings. It’s fun. And worth a cool $100.
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