EYE-CATCHING!
–PREM: Upsets defined the week. The Money Team in ninth rolled over high-flying Champions League finalist Sporting Wicker in a convincing victory, and Chucky Pad lost to FC Santa Barbara. In the risers column, East Loop prevailed over the Town Baggers to retake higher ground, and Bigo1 handed a bodyslammimg 70-39 beatdown to Smash and Grab. Despite the minor stumble, Sporting Wicker still leads by two points, East Loop in second and Bigo1 a point back. GoFYS edged Vanishing Spray by 2 points to make league watchers question how long 10th place can contain the strong squad. Or Money. Or anyone. Cats and pigeons meet in a furious dustup of feathers, claws, mayhem–that’s what you can predict. Then, if pigeons are as disease-carrying as people say, the cats will die. But they won’t. Because cats eat pigeons and live all the time, and that’s all there is to it.
–CHAMPIONSHIP: With weekly scores falling mostly in the relatively tight range of 37 and 42, it was a week when anything could happen and small margins decided matches. At the top of the table, the Reyjavik BayCobblers eked out a victory over Goleta Hotspur, and Unicorns downed Bigger then Brolin to put space between the four teams at the top. With All Stars defeating Granitza Sting, the table now shows Reykjavik and Gene coheadlining, Brolin three points back. Boss Barkley and Banana Swans drew, but the Swans still retain fourth, followed by Granitza and Barkley. Cornballers bounced back to winning ways, posting the league-high 49 scoreline over Branwellington at 44, the week’s second highest score. Long may it run, the current run of form, CB.
–LEAGUE 1: Relic lost to Wijnaldum in a top of the table showdown. Relic keeps first, but PSV’s defeat of Yer Man therefore puts it just off the top of the heap again, followed by Wijnaldum, AFC Chester and newly crowned 2017/2018 Champions League champions Mighty Fine Feeling, whose 60 topped the tier and brought Finefeeling Mews and League 1 the big-eared trophy this season. StilluvQPR held on tight to sixth and remained within striking distance of positions above with the team’s defeat of Chester, one of the teams it’s trying to claw back. In the relegation three, results have improved recently, with Old Sexpats in particular making moves this week in a crucial match against 4th Place trophy in ninth. The bottom three lay between five and eleven points distant from Yer Man in safety seventh, but a run of good results through the rest of December could change everything.
–LEAGUE 2: In League Two, no one saw it coming, but the top three won again. Hold up now, The Globes defeated Tralfamadore, and second through fourth gained ground? Intriguing. DC groin-punched Hung like a Bony, Gloopy just got over the line against Gadagnome, but a solid three points apiece they were, although Tralfamadore still maintains healthy five and six point leads over DC and Yarbles, respectively. Mourinho-LO pulled out all the José stops to 42-41 Route 57 to stay in the mix, fifth behind Globes who continues to narrow the gap between the front three and its inherent global totality. Route 57, Bony and Gadagdome can reverse their fortunes in just a day’s time, proving again that the Premier League is the most generous league in the world. Never gouging, always loving.
Don’t forget to check out the Best-ish standings. It’s fun. And worth a cool $100.
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