EYE-CATCHING!
–PREM: First and second both lost, but Bigo1 did not. Leading the Premiership on overall points, B1 took a step closer to top spot, now second, one point behind Chucky Pad Warriors and level with Sporting Wicker Park. East Loop lost to Kyle Naughton and rounds out the CL places, the win vital to Vanishing Spray’s bid to stay ahead of the chasing pack. FC Santa Barbara and Smash & Grab swapped 5th and 6th in the midrange, a mid-table six-pointer. The Money Team and GoFYS both came correct with high scores, battling in places 9 and 10, but Money edged it on the day. The last few weeks, the bottom half of the table ditched the limping and the crutches and body-checked the top dogs, ushering in a league-wide fight for supremacy and relevance. Neither done nor dusted. The place is filthy, really. Any white glove test at this stage would just result in ruining perfectly nice gloves.
–CHAMPIONSHIP: The three league leaders all lost, heightening intrigue and dark horse title hopes throughout the realm. Boss Barkley dethroned the Unicorn Reserves to move closer to safety in the bottom half. Reykjavik now reigns, the BayCobblers having taken first by taking down second, defeating Bigger than Brolin in a tight 45-42 matchup. Banana Swans enjoys the plush new accommodations in second, posting the tier’s highest score two weeks running. Meanwhile, Granitza Sting fell to the points-haul stylings of Branwellington FC. Again, ninth and tenth battled, ultimately for a draw, with All Star Gunners and Cornballers both putting in high scores for the week, a 47-47 that brought both teams points but denied both the full three they most desired. (Did Cornballers catch that elusive break? Well, they got a point. And every point helps. But it wasn’t the magnitude of break needed. Early days, yet.)
–LEAGUE 1: StillluvQPR beat PSV, while Relic returned to winning ways to retake pole position, PSV a point behind. A race may be forming between these top two. Everyone loves a photo finish. Mighty Fine Feeling defeated Wijnaldum Leviosa to pull back a close rival in the top half. Meanwhile, AFC Chester won a tight match against Yer Man to take third, a heavily contested spot, with Chester even on points with Wijnaldum and MFF and StillluvQPR just a point to the lesser. Tiger Tail turned on tigerspeed, which translated to one point faster than Old Sexpatspeed. Could a younger sexpat have points-hauled faster? Tigers are tough to race. Speed is hard to compare with fantasy football points. It’s fundamentally a badly constructed metaphor.
–LEAGUE 2: Tralfamadore Zoo and DC LFC both won at the top, with Yarbles in third getting felled by Route 57, but the top three still be the top three, in the same order. Mourinho-LO had the fortune to play one of only two possible opponents with a score lower than 35. You don’t always have to be faster than a tiger, just faster than the other person trying to run away from the jaws of justice. Tapped Up mounted stiff competition against fourth-place Globes and won to go level with 57 and Glentoran on points. Gadagdome is starting to officially get left behind.
Don’t forget to check out the Best-ish standings. It’s fun. And worth a cool $100.
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